Top 25 Charlie Sheen ‘Awesome’ Quotes

Charlie Sheen has been getting more air time recently than the president of the United States, the conflicts in the Middle East and the winners of the Academy Awards. Combined.

And for good reason — he gives better quotes.

Sheen hasn’t minded talking to Piers Morgan, Howard Stern, Dan Patrick or even Alex Jones. No matter the medium, the size of the audience or the topics that usually take place on the show, Sheen gets miked up and lets loose on his favorite topic: himself and how awesome he is.

Sheen has doled out so many quotable quotes that they needed to be written down and numbered. Not numbered on any ranking system but rather so they can be easier to reference. The following are Sheen quotes from his various recent appearances on television, radio and satellite radio.

25. “Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.”

24. “I was bangin’ seven-gram rocks and finishing them because that’s how I roll, because I have one speed, one gear. [I survived] because I’m me. I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying’s for fools, dying’s for amateurs.”

23. “I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitching, a total … rock star from Mars, and people can’t figure me out; they can’t process me. I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with a normal brain.”

22. “Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words –- imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.”

21. “I got magic and I got poetry in my fingertips.”

 20. “Women are not to be hit. They’re to be hugged and caressed … She was attacking me, though, with a small fork — like a cocktail fork. And she had it with her; that was the weird part. What was she doing with, like, a shrimp fork in her purse? She stole it, clearly. From a buffet.”

19. “Rock bottom — that’s a fishing term.”

18. “The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards — all of them — look like droopy-eyed, armless children.”

Charlie Sheen

17. “I’m not bipolar, I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”

16. “Can’t is the cancer of happen.”

15. “I’m on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

14. “I expose people to magic. I expose people to something they’ll never experience in their boring normal life!”

13. “They can’t hang with me, their bones would melt like wax.”

12. “They’re trying to destroy my family, so I take great umbrage with that. And defeat is not an option. They picked a fight with a warlock.”

11. “Blame the studio for giving me this much dough knowing who they were giving to.”

10. “There’s been a tsunami of media, and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.”

9. “That was an old brain. I have a new brain. I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year old.”

8. “I’m grandiose.  Because I live a grandiose life.  I’m not ‘aw shucks’ … because I’m gnarly.”

7. “I’m an F-18 bro and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordnance to the ground.”

6. “I wish people would shift that focus on to themselves and their own family and their own friends and just maybe spend a little more time on their home front. And not some distant planet that is me.”

5. “I don’t believe myself to be an addict. I really don’t. I think that I just ignore or smash or finally dismiss a model that I think is rooted in vintage balderdash, you know? For lack of a better word.”

4. “Regarding TV personality Dr. Drew Pinsky: “To like have a prognosis about somebody you’ve never been in the same room with, based on his image in a media setting? He should be ashamed of himself. I would never sit here and tell you who the heck he is or what drives or fuels him. I don’t know. Got to dismiss these clowns.”

3. “I’m on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.”

2. “You start hearing stories about they’re going to hire John Stamos. You guys do that, you deserve everything that happens later, you know. Sorry, John, you’re a lovely man. But you got on me on Howard Stern, bro, and I don’t forget anything.”

1. “I’m still alive, which is pretty cool.”

LA Times

Photos from top: Charlie Sheen talks to ABC News’ Andrea Canning in Los Angeles on Feb. 26. Credit: Reuters/ABC News

Sheen gives a speech before television producer and writer Chuck Lorre unveiled his star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame on March 12, 2009. Credit: AFP photo/Mark Ralston

One Response

  1. Help! Your dad wants to have a beer at Great Basin on Mar. 16th! How can we sing the old songs to the crowd on Wednesday?

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