Nevada Governor Signs Executive Order for Santa

Santa Claus will get red carpet treatment in Nevada under an executive order signed Friday by Gov. Brian Sandoval.

In a takeoff of the poem, “The Night Before Christmas,” Sandoval calls on the Nevada National Guard to clear the airspace over the state for safe passage of a the jolly old elf, and orders the Departments of Agriculture and Wildlife to ensure “no creatures are stirring,” on Christmas Eve, “not even a mouse.”

Santa will also get a pass on texting while flying; and from securing proper licenses or permits.

Sandoval ordered the Nevada Office of Energy to ensure adequate, energy-efficient lighting “for safe house-top landings,” and put the Department of Conservation and Natural Resources on notice to have a “sufficient supply of coal” on hand — just in case. (AP)

Executive Order No. 12: Providing a State Plan for the Visit of Saint Nicholas

WHEREAS, children throughout the Silver State are anxiously awaiting the annual visit of Saint Nicholas, also known as Kris Kringle, also known as Santa Claus, also known as a Right Jolly Old Elf; and

WHEREAS, the stockings are hung by the chimney with care and it is therefore in the interest of Nevada’s children, as well as their parents and guardians, that the State of Nevada ensure an orderly and efficient means of carrying out the annual delivery of toys, candy, and other gifts; and

WHEREAS, numerous state agencies, programs and services may rightfully play a role in guaranteeing that the prancing and pawing of each little hoof shall proceed as generations of children have believed it should; and

WHEREAS, Article 5, Section of the Nevada Constitution provides that, “The Supreme Executive Power of this State shall be vested in a Chief Magistrate who shall be Governor of the State of Nevada”; and

BESIDES, it’s almost the night before Christmas.

NOW, THEREFORE, by the authority vested in me as Governor by the Constitution and laws of the State of Nevada, I hereby instruct the members of my Cabinet as follows:

  • The Nevada National Guard shall clear the airspace over Nevada for the safe passage of one (1) miniature sleigh and eight (8) tiny reindeer, driven by one (1) driver so lively and quick.
  • The Office of Veterans Services shall arrange benefits as appropriate and provide and Honor Guard befitting the stature of a visiting dignitary the caliber of Saint Nicholas, the patron saint of sailors.
  • The Departments of Agriculture and Wildlife shall ensure no creatures are stirring on the night before Christmas, not even a mouse; and these Departments shall further ensure the safe passage of reindeer not indigenous to this state, even if said reindeer are unvaccinated and bear no brand, tag, or other identifying mark.
  • The Department of Administration shall make such appropriations of good will and good cheer as are necessary for the Cabinet to carry out this order, and shall ensure the facilities, personnel, and information technology of this State are ready to ensure that Saint Nicholas soon shall be here.
  • The Department of Public Safety shall ensure safe passage into homes as appropriate for a plump figure dressed in all fur, from his head to his foot; and in the event of any mishap, the Department of Corrections may not detain this particular elf from his work; further, no warning shall be issued to the driver of said sleigh should he be observed talking on hand-held cellular device or sending text messages to his workshop; similarly no citation shall be issued if the driver in question fails to wear his seat belt as required by state law.
  • The Departments of Business and Industry, Motor Vehicles, Taxation, and Transportation shall not hinder or otherwise impair the passage of this important vehicle, or its contents, due to any failure to procure a proper license, permit or other charter.
  • The Department of Education and the Nevada System of Higher Education shall encourage learners of all ages to enjoy visions of sugar plums and other kind of thoughts at this time of year. In addition, the Department of Employment, Training and Rehabilitation shall provide workforce training to seasonally-employed elves.
  • The Nevada Office of Energy is charged (pardon the pun) with providing adequate and energy-efficient lighting for safe house-top landings in the event of inclement weather.
  • The Department of Conservation and Natural Resources shall provide a sufficient supply of coal, just in case.
  • The Department of Health and Human Services shall see to the continued good health and welfare of Saint Nicholas during his visit, despite what surely must be a propensity of heart disease.
  • The Governor’s Office of Economic Development and Department of Tourism and Cultural Affairs, together with the Native American Tribes, will make the delegation from the North Pole welcome in our state, conferring appropriate gifts, to include cookies and milk, and providing other abatements properly related thereto.

BE IT FURTHER ORDERED, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Great Seal of Nevada to be affixed at the State Capitol in Carson City, the day before the night before Christmas, in the year two thousand eleven.

Brian Sandoval

Governor of the State of Nevada

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Move Over Santa – Gaga is Taking Over Workshop

Christmas is getting a makeover — Lady Gaga style: The singer and her team are going to reinterpret Santa’s workshop and put it on display at Barneys.

She’ll get an entire floor and take over the coveted windows starting in mid-November at the retailer’s flagship Madison Avenue store, Mark Lee, Barneys CEO, announced Monday. There will also be a collection of Gaga’s Workshop gift items that will raise money for a charity of her choice.

Campaign visuals, including a cartoon rendering of Gaga with long blue hair and a sparkly red jumpsuit, will be used to decorate shopping bags and other packaging, and will be featured on the company’s website.

Barneys’ typically nontraditional windows are a popular stop for holiday shoppers.

(Copyright 2011 by The Associated Press.  All Rights Reserved.)

Adventures With Kitty Santa

As many of you know, I sorely regret not having Santa pictures taken with my beloved Plop and Sushi. (They died less than three weeks after the holidays in 2009.)

As a result, whoever lives us now during Christmas must get their picture taken with the Big Man.

And this year, Donatella was the chosen one.

Saturday, Sterling and I went box in hand to Petsmart. When it was our turn, I placed her on Santa’s lap. Three of us then made squeaky noises and kissy sounds to coax her to look our direction.

Luckily, she looked at us four different times.

The girl showed me two pictures and I apparently picked the blurry one. (Couldn’t really tell since her camera was so small.)

While waiting, Donatella sat in her box just observing the world.

Even Santa, who only owns dogs, mentioned how calm she was. Everyone kept asking us, ‘she’s a stray?’ Yep.

I didn’t realize it until later I should have taken a picture of her sliding down the checkout lane scanner. So cute.

Guess she thinks as long as she’s inside the box, she’s safe – in unfamiliar territory. Yet, when she’s home she’ll leap out every time.

I paid $10 and donated another $10 to homeless pets.

Donatella remained calm until she recognized home and then started acting up. Apparently her day was so eventful she had to have to take a long nap – outside of her box.

AP-Petside.com Poll: Dogs are Santa’s Favorites

The majority of this country’s pets can expect something under the Christmas tree this year.

An Associated Press-Petside.com poll conducted by GfK Roper Public Affairs and Corporate Communications shows that 53% of all pet owners will get their animals a present this year.

Dogs will fare better than cats – 56% of all dogs can expect something, but only 48% of all cats.

The poll shows women who own pets are more generous (56%) than men (49%).

The overall poll numbers are just a percentage point higher than 2009 figures but in 2008, 43% of pet owners said their animals would get a gift.

The results suggest the increase seen in last year’s poll was sustained as the economy continued its slow recovery.

(Copyright 2010 by The Associated Press.  All Rights Reserved.)

Christmas Memories by Taka

How embarrassing!

I have lived my life just fine not meeting Santa. But no – mom made me see him two weeks ago.

I even hissed at him twice to get away, but no I was quickly scooped up and plopped onto Santa’s lap again.

I was tricked by humans with dangling squeaky toys. Ugh! I just hope this doesn’t end up on the interwebs for the whole world to see.

In hindsight, I’m kind of happy it came out blurry. (devil horns)

Does anyone know if the Easter Bunny does this? ‘Cause then I need to make escape plans now!

Santa’s Future Ride

Santa's sleigh gets an update

Courtesy of the LA Times, Bentley

http://www.carmagazine.co.uk/News/Search-Results/First-Official-Pictures/What-if-car-makers-designed-Santas-sleigh/

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas….

‘Twas the night before Christmas

and shoppers are getting last minute ‘desperate’ gifts

from those waiting for mail deliveries to anxiety ridden parents causing near marital rifts.

Malls nationwide continue to see slumping sales,

holiday Budweiser ads still feature the Clydesdales  

Forgotten seems to be the true spirit of the season,

so why aren’t there any moral Christmas movies starring Liam Neeson?

Meteorologists predict this year a white Christmas,

but living in the desert, I’ll believe it when I see it or I’ll get pissed.

 

Decorative pine garlands lay across the mantle of my fireplace,

as my cats scratch and jump wildly at my mistletoe base.

 

Midnight mass broadcast on every TV channel,

while I sip hot cocoa waiting for Santa in my flannel.

World peace remains to be a far fetched wish,

but for now let me enjoy this holiday leaving cookies for Santa in a dish.